I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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