Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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