Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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