I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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