so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
