I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
