Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
