god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
