he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
