That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
