I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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