i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
