She said her name was "party"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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