..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
