It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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