i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
