I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We are two peas in an std pod
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
