I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
