i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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