when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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