just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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