A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
MIDGETS
????
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
