Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
