sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
did i just pee glitter
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
