You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize