how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
