brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
