I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize