i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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