Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
