nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
