Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
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I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...