he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.