im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im holly from the hills drunk
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?