and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.