Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.