I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
