just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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