Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
