You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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