i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
