whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
