Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
