and you said cock pushups were impossible
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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