My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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