Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
North Korea, Best Korea!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
