bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
