i think my tv is drunk
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
