dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
