Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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