Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
