I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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