i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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