and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
