She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
