I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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