I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
