Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
