She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
