I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize