Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
